The music extraction

Listening to certain music and images always seems to pull something new out of me, like a side of me that I may have known existed, but just isn't something I can maintain when push comes to shove.
I often have to change to fit the holes I find myself thrown into, but I do have some sides I wish I could be all the time and still fit...

At about 3:50, it starts to really come together for me, the rest is decent enough background music.
Games and movies are a place where the world can be shaped to bring out the sides you wish could bare the burden of this sad place.  The sides so grand this world just appears as a vacuum that sucks the life right out.  In order to survive we often become so small ourselves, so purposeless that the meaninglessness and stupid problems that we are presented with don't seem "not worth our time".
In order to really create beauty that our real selves can shine in, we need to be more than one person, or we need a world shaped to support that existence.  Games are a glorious place for this dream to become a reality, but most developers see it only as a place to experience "new things" or even worse, as an emotional stimulant alone.
The difference between the opinions I often have is that yes, there are things I want out of a game.  I want to get excited and happy, I do want that emotional stimulous.  But that is not my end.  There is no end goal, no point I am trying to reach at which I will then be satisfied.  No, I want to reach the next mark so I may take a breather, get my wits about me, and continue even further forward.  The stopping is something I cannot bare even in my weakest hours.
I hope some developer one day realises this, I won't be able to make the games myself so it's up to them.

How I become "witty-er"

I'm not a particularly smart or witty guy myself.  I spend most of my thoughts trying to confront an endless delema of how to function with my way of thinking putting the world is such a dark light.
But I do know that the main steps I took to go from a 12 year old kid annoying everyone with repitious and obvious jokes to the gamer I am now (which can far more easily entertain and bring joy to people) was more than just time.
The real question is what level do you want to become?  How sharp do you want your blade and how well do you want to master it?
The problem with most of the "fun gamers" today is they are just blunt instruments swinging at any low level moment they encounter.  They rarely if ever hold their tongue and really think before they act.
The main key to becoming more, to becoming someone who is truly fun in a seemingly natural way is to wait and often not speak at all.  Think and empathize closely with your audience.
See their reactions and then try to really put yourself in their shoes internally.  Don't try to think about it too much or you'll be doing it wrong, just feel what it is they seem to be feeling by how they respond.  Find the level of response you are looking for and practice hitting that spot and no others.  Listen closely for times when you can feel what you have to say will be enjoyable to them on more than just a level in which they will respond positively.  Instead try to reach deeper past their often automatic responses to how they really feel and what they are really after.
To be honest, that almost always is the similar to you, or at least a part of you.
People are a lot more similar than they would like to admit, it's mostly about which internal "way" we take the most.
You do share a lot with even the most "special" people out there, it's just not as directly similar.
But thats for another day.

The main point: is by learning what feelings I loved the most, and making it my priority to master the art of reacreating those feelings in others, it became a clear and simple process for me.  But that only happened because:
1 - I truly cared
and 2 - Because I sharpened my blade instead of swinging it at every chance I got. (hold your tongue)

[MUSIC] TANUKI - 何がGoin' On

"It's just instictive: the natural way we are"

I have always hated this excuse or this "fill in all the blanks" answer to why we do things we do.  It's one of the largest roadblocks in internal growth and study.
During a particularly odd conversation as part of an example I brought up how I am not attracted to genitals and would not have any attraction to anyone despite their looks unless I cared for what was inside of them first, their personality.
Of course this is usually met with skepticism so I bring up the comparison of how you would not be attracted to the scrotum of a dog (not meaning it in particular, but as a chained example, comparing perhaps the behind of a female monkey might have been better), not *normally* anyways.
But the instant response was that of course you would not be attracted to these animal's genitals, it's not instinctive.
This instant blame game on pre-hardcoded specifics like the animal that you would want to have sex with immediately struck a sour note with my own experience.
I have throughout my life watched as my personal growth and change has repeatedly altered and shifted between all of these things.  I have had times in dreams where I fell in love with a cat, and other times where I was homosexual.  As I had dug deeper into myself to change who I was I found that although it was not remotely easy or straightforward, a lot about who and what I loved was up for alteration.
There were by default somethings inside of me that were attracted to just a naked woman, and there still are parts of me that are unavoidably still unchangeably focused in that direction, but it was amazing just how much wiggle room there was for me to use my desperate desire to escape lonelieness or my love for a personality to change what I could accept and then even what I was attracted to both romantically and sexually.
This idea that somehow someone drawing a line between 2 dots: evolution/animalistic behavior, and humanity, proves anything is just naivity.
It's no different then when people would say the moon and the sun could not be out at the same time until the one day when they finally saw them together.  Things like that still happen all the time, where people are sure of some strange cosmic force because it appears so simple, when in reality there are a thousand levels of depth between them and understanding the reality of the matter.
The come up with BOOKS upon LIBRARIES of theories to support this idea that makes enough sense to get excited about, but they can't begin to imagine how beautifully it really goes down.
I am not here to discuss a lot of my ideas for how things may or may not work, I have plenty that could sit here and be debated.
My purpose is not to get people to my side of the fence, but to put down the barbwire on their most precious theories.
It's scary, the worlds that can begin to exist in your mind.  The ideas that are like monsters attempting to drive away your sanity, but you can survive and grow, and if you can't deal with other possibilities or they seem to strange or foolish (and they very well might be so) then put up your fence again, but don't pretend that you are right because anything else seems unacceptable to you.
I am sure that even if you don't realize it, for many of the things you are wrong about but can't accept, there are beautiful answers you would love to know that will make your previous thoughts look like those of a child afraid of the beasts in the closet.

I wonder if anyone will see this

I don't know how many people browse for blogs anymore, or if this will ever be seen by another living soul, but in it's own way, that makes me feel quite comfortable.  I can say anything I want and there is a good chance no one will ever read it, not unless I go out of my way to get attention which I don't intend to do.

I love ideas, I love design, but more than that I love introspection and personal growth.  The root of ideas for me tends to lie in what I know about myself and how that hints as to what others may want.
To really create great ideas you need to know so much about yourself, and you need to even reach a point where you don't just think in words when considering where your desires come from.  A lot of our consciousness is not conversing with itself, it's feeling things out from past impressions, experiences, memory.
Of course an important part of ideas is knowing the territory you are entering into, I often lack that as I am a very foolish person.  I am without obvious traumas, I am without beautiful language, and I am without any creditability.
I don't think clearly and I don't always get to a point.  My mind drifts aimlessly and I can hardly control the current, but I do understand a lot of things that many people choose to not think about. Mysteries so simple it tortures me everyone pretends they don't matter, despite being at the heart of some the darkest problems.
My deepest desire is simply to not feel alone.  To find one person in this world who's desires are clear and absolute, not filled with so many issues they ignore because they exist only at the skin of their consciousness.  So many people who claim to love psychology or philosophy are just looking for power and excitement.  Because they take for granted that the world before their time knows the way to progress, and hasn't missed something important along the way.
Naive and full of ulterior motives.
I may be full of myself in many ways, but I can promise one fact: I desire at any cost the greatest intelligence I can gain, and there is not one worldly pleasure, item, abuse that will pull me away from that goal.
I want what is real and eternal.